Preventing Childhood Sexual Abuse

If keeping children safe is paramount, then we, as the adults, need to be the ones to create the environments for their safety. Studies show that stranger danger does NOT work as well as we theorized it should for the prevention of childhood sexual abuse (CSA).

The fact is this: Children do not possess the mental capicity to distinguish a friend from a stranger.

Another fact: Children are most often NOT abused by strangers.

In fact: 93% of children know their molesters

Therefor, stranger danger is not an effective means to prevent childhood sexual abuse. So now we must return to the blackboard or (the new synthetic whiteboard) to create an alternate strategy for keeping our children safe. We need to learn the silent signals from the children.

Pedophiles carefully select their victims, spending up to 6 months gaining their trust, developing a relationship with the child and or the parents of the child. They meticously set the stage for friendships to develop before they ever lay a hand on the child. Often, the sexual abuse leaves no physical scars. The abuser is most likely gentle, and acts lovingly, or caring and nurturing to the child. So how is a parent supposed to know that someone is harming their child?

The best route for "knowing" is to develop a relationship that allows for easy conversation on a daily basis. Spend time talking. More importantly, listen, listen, listen. Know your child's habits. Are they becoming aggressive, angry, secretive or distant? Some of that behavior can be attributed to normal adolescent behavior. But at some point it becomes another red flag, so don't discount it completely. If your child's behavior seems out of sync with the events at hand, or extreme in their changes, consult a professional. First and foremost... listen.

We have to be attentive in ways most of us never dreamed of. Young victims frequently exhibit physical symptoms that should raise a red flag:

* vaginal or rectal itching or bleeding

*urinary or bladder infections or odor

* sudden bedwetting or soiling or discharge in their laundry

* obsessive crying or modiness

* drastic or sudden changes in sleep or eating habits

* fearfulness or outbursts of anger

* an excessive need for handwasing or bathing

There may be other signals that we should be attentive to. Some children want to stay after school, or spend as much time away as possible. They could be trying to escape the offender if they are a family member. They may refuse to give hugs or be in the same room with the perpitrator. They may tell you they don't like so and so, or they mmay complain that someone kisses, hugs, tickles too much or plays games they don't like. If this occurrs, ask the child gentle questions, but do not place information before them that leads them to answers that aren't factual. SImply ask the child what they mean or why do they feel the way they do. Always respond in gentle voice and listen, listen, listen. Listen to their words and listen for the silent signals.

Remember... children can't be responsible for their own safety. We are!